Thursday, February 6, 2014

A struggling love

Have you ever tried giving everything you could and got nothing in return? I realized that i just gave my all to somebody whom i don't know if she really cared. Up to now, i am still in doubt if she really loves me. She is ashamed of me. Maybe i am embarrasing her. I do not have anything to brag except of the failures that i have. She keeps on sticking to guys whom i think are much better than i am. She always forgets me. If she is with those guys, i am forgotten in the process. As if i am not existing... Confusing...

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Atheism: The misuse of God's name

Greetings! We in the third world country are known to be strong believers of God but we are unknowingly an atheist country without an atheist idealism. We, as part of a nation that is struggling to stand ground in a rich Asian continent, have been exposed in the different faces of poverty. There is always the question, why are we poor? Why are we struggling that we had the resources that we needed? Those are the questions often asked by the people of our nation both rich and poor. I have interviewed one guy, I asked him: Do you have a job sir? he said: No. How about your wife? he said: Yes, she washes other peoples laundry. How many kids do you have sir? he said: Four(4). I told him straight to the point that, "and that would be the reason why you are struggling". He told me: No, it's just God. He gave us this life and he wants us to live this kind of life. I told him: Then what about those people who belong to the middle class up to the upper class? He answered: That's what God wanted them to be. We have been forsaken by God. That is the reason why we are poor. As I noticed that he was getting annoyed in me asking so much question about their situation, I walked away and made some reflections of my own. If God loves us then why are there poor? Why are we not in the same class? The answer lies on our belief about God. We are using the name God in a different context which I think violates one of his commandments which is "Never use the name of the Lord thy God in vain". I again, interviewed another citizen. I asked him the same questions and the answers are just the same. Then I asked him some additional questions. I asked: When do you plan to work? He answered: I don't know. Let God decide when. I again asked: If ever your were given a work, where and what kind of work do you want? He answered: I wanna be a manager of a company. I asked: Are you a college graduate sir? He answered: No, I'm a high school undergraduate. I asked: May I know why you haven't finished your high school? He answered: I don't want to go to school. And I ended up the discussion with a nice thank you and a smile.
I just realized that they are not doing anything for the good of their selves. Poverty is about the incapability of an individual to choose the most important things to provide themselves a standard living. In short, poverty is only to the people who are lazy enough to provide themselves something to eat. As the elections ended in a fashionable way, I say even our president cannot solve poverty. I do believe that he is capable of leading the country but poverty is unsolvable unless the people does something that could get them out of poverty line. The president can provide us with pile of programs but without the cooperation of people to apply the teachings that were provided in those programs, poverty is far beyond solvable.
Blaming God for all the fortunes that even these people themselves are incapable of doing something right is a big mistake. There is a saying that says, "Do your best and God will do the rest". Those people's that I have interviewed made a big violation in God's writings. Good day!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

NBA Finals 2010: My Personal Review

Greetings! NBA finals is coming up! Game 1 will be played tomorrow in Los Angeles. This would be an exciting rematch between two teams that had revived the sleeping rivalry that they had over the years. Two years ago, the Boston Celtics won the championship and let L.A. have a taste of defeat due to lack of experience of some of the key players. Although Kobe Bryant and Derek Fisher had already won 4 championships together in a Laker uniform. They still have to polish some of their players that later on became the key to their championship run in 2009 and defeated the Orlando Magic. One of these players whose game improved after that disappointing loss to the Boston Celtics two years ago is Pau Gasol. This year, he again has to prove himself that he is a legitimate support to superstar Kobe Bryant. He had proved it last year by outplaying Orlando's Dwight Howard. Making play after play, he had proved himself a champion and he also had wrong the people who had wronged him. He had wowed those people who criticized his game. This year, I am looking forward to him outplaying Kevin Garnett. According to, Lakers are better this time than they were two years ago. The Celtics on the other hand still has to prove themselves that they could still do it. With James Posey, Sam Cassell and PJ Brown gone, they have to rely on their young and new guns. We had witnessed how Nate Robinson can change to pace of the game from the bench, Sheed on his terrific defense on Dwight Howard, Big baby Davis proving everybody that even though undersized, he can still compete with bigger guys and lastly, Rajon Rondo turned from a regular point guard into an all-star point guard that is capable of having triple doubles of his own.
I am very excited for the game 1 tomorrow. I'm sure that it would be a very physical game between the two teams. And again, as we all expected, Kobe Bryant will again display his greatness in this grueling best of seven NBA Finals game. I'm again expecting to see that "smack-down" attitude that the Celtics possesses according to Coach Phil Jackson. I loot for the Lakers this year. I do believe on their capability to win. They have won the Championship last year so winning it again this year wouldn't be a burden but expect the Celtics to give them a hard time winning games.
That would be all guys. Good day! Don't forget to watch the NBA Finals tomorrow :)

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Everything Happens For A Reason and Vacation Sickness

Greetings! After all these delay, I was able to write back again. Imagine being sick for a week and not to mention not being able to take a bath for a week. If any of you would wonder if how sick I was. Well, I was really sick. I suffered from UTI(Urinary Track Infection), my pus cells is above the limit so I was in danger of being hospitalized. Good thing I wasn't brought there. I just stayed at home and had the timely rest that I need. I even wasn't able to show up for our company's User Acceptance Test where the company is going to accept the software that we made for them. I even asked my friend to upload my PHP site in a domain for me because I was too sick to handle a computer. My sight would go round and round immediately if I would look at the screen of my computer. What a vacation I got. Plus the addition of our ever noisy grandmother who just kept on talking even up to the times that you wanted to lay your head in the pillow and all you have to hear is her annoying voice. GGGRRRR! Even having difficulty in eating a meal because my tooth felt something like it's going to give in. I also vomit a lot. And lastly, nothing beats the taste of hard rock tablets.
Anyway, I do really believe in the notion "Everything Happens For A Reason". When I come to think about it. I just realized that the day before I got sick, I was in a good shape. Then on the day that I got sick I suddenly go from 100% to 10%. It was like my energy has been drained from me. The day before I got sick, I even had a nice game of starcraft and before that I had made the time to go to the mall. Then suddenly my body gives up. Then when I got home I just realized of how sick I was. My body temperature went up to 39.4 degrees. With the sickness I had I just can't stop thinking of how did I got sick? Then this optimism stroke me. Everything Happens For A Reason. Well, I truly believe in that notion said by my father to me. For me, God doesn't want us to suffer for nothing. Every suffering has its own opposite and equivalent reaction. One of my theories is that something good is installed for me in the future and that so God gave me this suffering. Well, I'm okay now, I am slowly recovering from the aftershock of my sickness and so everything would be alright.
Everything just went out of place when I got sick. My facebook account is in idle. My blogger account is in idle too. My social life is in idle too. When I got sick, I was so worried about my grades. I don't know why I started to worry about them. When I calculated them they just totaled to 81%. I lack 1% to reach the cut-off grade. It scared me that I am already in my fourth year then I would be forced to shift. But I changed that notion and set my mind in it's positive state. I stayed positive that they would reconsider my grade and remain as a CS student until I graduate. And I just realized by now that ever since I started to live a positive life. Good things happen to me even though I still got those hard moments and yet my optimism just kicks in and it just made me feel good. A year already passed since I been starting to live this kind of lifestyle. The slide was I became more carefree and happy-go-lucky than before. I was always overdue in my budget. I easily lost track in my money and I got fatter. I was unaware that living an optimistic life requires you to adjust too. I am slowly adjusting to it as of the moment. My body is back to it's normal not-so-fate-not-so-thin figure. I am starting to save money. And my budgeting powers is back. I am so ready for the next challenge that I am going to face. The next semester! Wish me luck guys! God Bless and Good day!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Blue Funk Re-emerging

Good aftie guys. I had been sad these weekend. I don't know how and why it happened but it's maybe because of the atmosphere in our home in the province. It all started when my dad forbid me to drink with him along with older guys. He said, I shouldn't do it. I am already 19 and going on 20 this December. It really saddened me because for the past years I have been drinking with the older guys in the tennis court along with my dad. I have waited for so long to be blessed with freedom to do what adults can do. The adults in the tennis court gives me beer and so I drink on and on. I guess I wouldn't go with them anymore in the tennis court. I hate it when they forbid me on something that I have already been doing ever since I came into the legal age. Then came when my mom kept on asking for my grades last semester. She kept on bragging me about that thing. It really annoys me a lot. I guess I really had to start meditating again just like the old times. I fear that I lost my touch of concentrating to meditate for so long. I felt that I am unhealthy right now. I got no exercise, no gluttony control and no meditation, not to mention those annoying people around me that pisses me off. Even in our boarding house, my landlord and landlady frustrates me a lot. I found them greedy and corrupt. First of all, the boarding house is not that accommodating and yet the rent is high. Things are not complete not like the other boarding houses. We boarders can't even watch TV in their living room, we cannot cook food for ourselves that we have the hassle to buy for food outside the house, we don't have water, the place is not an ideal place to leave. First, it is infested with roaches and rats, the canals stink at night, neighbors are so noisy and the annoying anti-thief alarm that rings every time we go home past 10pm. The room is warm and hot and the bed is small. And even when it is not your time to pay your rent, they brag you about paying your rent. I hate that boarding house a lot. I wish I could find something nice and comfortable. I got no choice but to live in the place where my parents chose me to live. They pay for it. Even though they wouldn't said it but they don't want me to stay in a dorm that is comfortable. Everyday, I live like a rat, even live among them. When my brother goes to college, I speculated that they would pick a better place for him to live. It's said to think that I am always the sacrificial lamb and my brother always do have the benefits. I am not saying that I don't want him to live better but it is always unfair to me but I learned to live this kind of life. They would send you in an unknown battle field so that the next person who comes after you would already have known the battlefield and would later perform better for its future. Sacrifice, it's always been part of my life. Some are useful and some just went to waste. How I wish I was the younger brother but gotta face reality. Envy is always been a part of my life. Envy of not being heard despite the pain being experienced. Ended up just listening like a stupid homeless man being scolded for not finding a job to support himself. Envy of seeing my brother scooping up the freedom to do the things that our parents forbid me to do before. By looking at those things, I was hurt a lot but gotta move on. Thou shall not be stuck to the things that doesn't affect the future. Envy is bad but for once in a while you can't stop thinking about it. Can't even ask something straight to them. I gotta save to have that something. There is no problem in asking for something to them but in the time that I am in trouble, I ended up listening to them on counting all the things they have given unto me. I thought it was free but still you gotta pay for it. It would be better if you save money and spend it to the things that you want. I envy on my brother that can ask anything to them. Shoes are great examples. How I love my dad's shoes but it always ends up in my brother's possession. What kind of family I got? I thank God for having a complete family but... Having a team complete with players but still the team has no chemistry. The team will not work as it was to work. My parents always say that we have given everything to you our son but learn how to look at it in different angles. One painful experience is when I want to buy an ipod. I saved money but in the end, I came up short with the money so my mom promised me to add up for me to afford it. Then came the time when I got into trouble, she simply told me in front of my very eyes that "I bought you an ipod and yet, this is the thing you would replace me for it?". I was like stoned when I heard that and I was in tears. In my mind says that it's better to have nothing than to have something which got an exchange at the end. They even scolded me that they had sent me to an expensive school but I just gave them something unpleasant in return. I understand them but its painful to hear that kind of thing despite the things that you are doing to pass a subject.
The feeling of loneliness is always beside me. I am always positive in life but it always goes the other way. I felt like I was living alone. Even as I got home during the weekends, I still felt that felling of loneliness. As if I was lured form a smaller hole into a bigger hole. Smaller hole because I was alone in a city of the unknown and bigger because I was brought back to history of my painful past. Either way is not a good idea but its better to choose one than to be undecided and be in the middle of something where you would be surrounded by an active world. Up to now, I couldn't still find a perfect place for me to be happy. Good day.

Friday, April 30, 2010


Give me a break. I wanna have a vacation. To these 2 weeks of summer class, I just had enough. This is the most exhausting summer class that I have been. To my past 2 summer classes I have never experienced the exhaustion that it has to offer and I was never interested to experience exhaustion in summer class. I mean summer class is suppose to be easy-going and has no pressures when it comes to grades. Our teacher is different, whether it is summer class or not he still has his traditional ways. Just now, he ate 30 minutes of our lab time. It really pissed me off. What pisses me off is his boring discussions with all of his boring accents that sets the atmosphere of sleepiness. Imagine having 3/4 of the class sleeping and 1/4 of the class half-asleep. And not just that, he is pressuring us with our grades if we submit our activities late on time. No pressures please. All these things pisses me off. Our teacher is great but his teaching ways sucks. Sorry for the use of words but I don't really know what word suits it up the best.
In our lecture time, we had this copy and answer quiz. Think about it, there are 20 questions each with 8-15 words on it and all the answers must be written below the questions. And imagine writing it in a 1/2 yellow paper. Aside from it doesn't have enough space, it eats a lot of time. And in the later part of the exam, our teacher declared that we can write our answer immediately without writing the questions anymore if we know the answer already. Because today is a scheduled power outage from 1pm-5pm but it never happened. Our teacher said that if in case the power outage comes, we won't have any trouble answering the questions that were posted in the power point because we have it all written already in our papers---that was our teacher's idea. We are supposed to be set out at 2:30pm but our teacher set us at 3:00pm.
That would be all folks. See yah in the next article. Good day!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Sleepy Days

Good day! I don't know what happened to me to this past few days. I have become sleepier and sleepier as the week comes to an end. I mean, I sleep in between class, even as I wake up I still want to stick my back in bed. It's not about the atmosphere but maybe it is just in me. Lately, I have been sleeping late and this morning, I woke up around 5:30 to work on my php activity but I ended up on abandoning it in the middle of a problem because I go super sleepy already. Plus our teacher, especially the one who teaches PHP, sets the atmosphere that even the smartest in our class had fallen asleep for it. I mean, our teacher is boring! Really! It's frustrating to go in a class where you know what you are going to do aside from listening - sleeping. We had made his subject as a siesta subject and he doesn't mind it. There was a time that 90% of the class fell asleep and the remaining 10% is half asleep. In other words, all of us are in sleep mode. Just now, I fell asleep in a bench outside our room and I was unable to attend our lecture class. I just couldn't remember when was the last time that I didn't attend class because of an unnecessary reason. And now, I ended up here in the lab, instead of working, I just blogged and nothing more than downloading free web templates.
I lost my appetite in working again. Tomorrow would be our scheduled walk-through to our company, I'm a little nervous but I think I shouldn't because one of my group-mates is the owner's son.haha! But I shouldn't lay my shoulders back too much, my friend said that they are strict when it comes to business matters and these software can affect their business if not done well. And I still have some problems regarding the software, I still lacked some queries for the reports. In reality, I am still halfway done in the software and I am not having any further developments. Why have I grown tardy nowadays? It looks like I have not enough gas left in the tank. I better recharge myself up but in what way?