Friday, March 19, 2010

A Dying Hope

Good day! The exam week is already over and so as I was visualizing for a nice and sooth enrollment this summer without an troubles. For I have always been a burden not emotionally but financially, the drop of my parents' coins in Ateneo's cashiers would be hard to swallow as I see the cashier counting the money out. I could never be happier if I could pass this semester with flying colors, not worthy for a judgment whether I must stay in Ateneo or not. As I sweat down every night with a little twist of coke when I study, I still had some doubt in myself whether I could make it or not. I couldn't accept the fact that I would not be accepted ever again. I would have the greatest letdown in my life if it were to happen. I would never forgive myself if it were to happen. And I will be miserable in my whole life if it were to happen. My dream would be broken throughout my whole life. As the exam week comes to an end, it left me thinking about these things but because of my optimism, I was away about these things and I don't want to think about these things too. Right now, I was hoping, my last hope or my dying hope... I feared about my optimism would wind down and needs to be recharged or my optimism would opt out and it would be difficult to regain it. I couldn't imagine the circumstances right now. At the start of the year, I was thinking about redemption and I got what I want but does it had to end up like this? Will this redemption project just lost it's flare so suddenly? I have already given out my last knock-out punch yesterday in my Algorithm subject and so I was waiting for the decision whether I am worthy or not to stay. This is the reality, the life in the university, the bitter life that university students experience. Aside from the expensive tuition fees that you have to pay yearly, you also must maintain your grade to be in able to stay and not to disappoint your parents paying for your schooling. I experienced it all, I experienced it on hand, the bitterness of studying in a university. Why have to be so cruel? We payed and if we fail we will be kicked out of our division, the worst thing is the school will kick us out. We payed for education, we payed expensive fees and at the end we will just be kicked out? What are they thinking? We are not a public school that it would be okay for the school to kicked a student out obviously because we have to pay nothing to pay for our schooling there. In every angle you look, they are in power and so you are only obliged to follow the rules. Good day.

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